I still vividly remember my teen years when my friends and I would spend countless hours trading boasts, swapping lies, and posturing about our sexual conquests, and toughness. We were engaged in more than just the standard ritual of male bonding. The trash talk soothed our feelings of self-esteem and identity.

No matter what the cost we felt we had to keep up our 'front' or what some now call 'cool pose.' If Black women and other Black men had to be trashed, belittled, and brutalized in the process we deemed this a small price to pay for securing our manhood. As young Blacks we were in a desperate search for the identity and esteem that America systematically denies us.

We created our own standards and behavior patterns that are separate and distinct from the socially approved goals of American society. This includes the use of language, clothing styles and defiance of authority. Our tough talk, swagger and mannerisms were the culturally adopted defense mechanisms many Black males use to boost esteem.

Some Black males measure their status or boost their esteem by demonstrating their proficiency in physical fights or the sexual abuse of Black women. The aggressive body language of some young Black men has become their walking advertisement that states, "Don't mess with me if you want to stay healthy." From blues to rap music, the cowering, pitiful emasculated Black man was transformed into the "bad nigger." His feats soared to mythic dimensions in the folklore, language, tradition and music of Blacks. The legendary toughs of Black folklore, Billy G. and Stackolee, were so bad they scared themselves. There was an almost nihilistic quality to the violence perpetrated by bad Black men on their Black victims.

An accidental bump, an ill-spoken word, a prolonged stare from a stranger is often taken by insecure Black males as an ego challenge or an affront to their "manhood." It could escalate into violence. In Native Son, Richard Wright effectively got into the minds of many young Black men with the characters of Bigger and Gus and showed how they displace their aggression. Bigger's pal Gus is plainly afraid of the consequences if he goes along with Bigger and robs and assaults a White man. When Gus rejects the idea, Bigger is enraged. He's really scared too, but he can't show it. Instead of robbing and assaulting the White man, he mercilessly pummels and kicks Gus while he's prone on the floor. The beating sends him into delirium: "Bigger laughed softly, at first, then harder, louder, hysterically; feeling something like hot water bubbling inside of him trying to come out."

 

The modern day Biggers also perceive that society blocks them from achieving their social and professional goals and aspirations. They intuitively know that the material goodies suspended before them in movies, on TV and in advertisements are the primary measures of an individual's worth in a consumerist and ultra-materialistic society. Young Blacks want them, but they know that in many cases they can't attain them. This increases their frustration and anger. The American Dream may be a dream deferred but it's still a dream that many spend their lives futilely chasing.

Many Black women know this perhaps even better than young Black males. A Black woman is ten times likelier to be raped than a White woman. She is four times likelier to be a homicide victim than a White woman, and almost always her assailant is a Black man. Black women often enter the same danger zone that other Black men enter when they challenge black "manhood." Some Black men view a woman as someone trying to control them, publicly upstage them or manipulate them. They are angered and that anger can turn to violence.

The glorification of "gangsta" male toughness in films and music has made things even worse. One rap group exhorts, "Scream when I put the safety pins in your nipples, hurt me, hurt me, push it harder, shove it."

Black rappers are crucified by the media and much of the public. They are the targets of boycotts and angry editorials for these sexist and misanthropic lyrics. Country and Western and hard rock music are also loaded with sexist lyrics and both veiled and overt references to violence against women. Much of the media is mostly silent about that. And the rap groups that don't glorify male violence are largely ignored by mainstream media.

The racial double standard is insulting, but there is a difference. Whites don't kill each other in disproportionate numbers and society doesn't tacitly minimize their deaths.

Still, Blacks have no business trying to rationalize violence against other Black men or abuse against females, and they should reject "urban survival syndrome" theories depicting Black communities as urban jungles where violence is permissible as an ordinary means of survival. These theories are phony, self-serving and allow a handful of young Black males to commit aggressive violence and get away with it.

Unfortunately, with the eager help of some Black male filmmakers, Hollywood converted Black male violence and sexual aggression into big money. During the 1970s and later in the 1990s, the movie screen was fined with an endless parade of pimps, hustlers, Superflys, Shafts, and "boyz 'n the hood gangsta" types. When they weren't doing crime, they were whipping their women in line.

This is because they are in a pathetic hunt to live up to the perverse and distorted image of manhood that American society reserves for White men and denies Black men. Many Black men kill and are killed for it. Many Black women suffer and are killed because of it. They are the victims of the warped reality of many Black men.

But as more and more Black men become mentors, big brothers, and develop and participate in rites of passage, and value-training programs for young Black men, they are weaning themselves from the myths and distortions about manhood. They are discovering that there is nothing cool about abusing other Black men and women.

Story written by Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Black Men