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There will always be setbacks in life, and moments when we don't feel particularly all warm and fuzzy inside-that's only natural. But as the old saying goes, "Misery loves company," and if your company is making you miserable, you have to ask them to leave. Here are some other suggestions on how to help negativity leave your life: Limit your connection to gloomy people. Lisa recalls how ending a friendship seemed to lift a gloomy gray cloud from over her life. While she was proud of the part of her personality that made her a caring friend with a compassionate ear, she began to realize that no matter how many positive responses or solutions she gave to Karen's problems, Karen seemed comfortable in her despair. After listening to Karen drone on about her irritating parents, a spoiled sibling, and scores of failed romantic relationships, Lisa would end up so exhausted-as if these burdens were hers as well-she could just manage to curl up in her bed and go to sleep. It was the same with Diane, whose friend, Debra, let everyone in her life walk all over her. When Diane would advise her to stop being a doormat, Debra would whine, "I can't do that, he won't see me again." "You're an attractive woman, Debra," Diane would say. "You can meet someone who deserves you." "It's too hard to meet someone in this city, Diane," she'd wail, and Diane, too, would end up tired and depressed. Avoid people who shoot down your dreams. Sometimes the comments from people like this can be so subtle that you barely notice them, -but often they seep into your subconscious and sabotage your efforts. Gail, who always had problems controlling her weight, had finally found the perfect diet and exercise regimen, and was beginning to see results. But there was a boyfriend who kept comparing her to a slimmer friend. He would compliment Gail on her weight loss but then say, "But don't you wish you were Candyce? She has a beautiful body, and she doesn't do a thing to get it. Don't ever expect to get that size, you'll only disappoint yourself " Gail would find herself falling off the diet, until she realized that her boyfriend was sabotaging her goals. Avoid extremely competitive people. Being around successful friends can be inspiring, but those who live to one-up you will only bring you down and make you lose sight of the real reason you wish to pursue your goals not to outdo the friend, but to make yourself happy and content. Avoid confrontational people who enjoy arguing or playing mind games. These people leave you too exhausted or leave you agitated or frustrated. Avoid people who delight in your despair. Some individuals can keep you in a foul, angry mood by telling you things that they know will upset you. Keep contact with them to a minimum, or if possible, tune them out. Avoid gossips. Avoid people who take joy in discussing the problems of others. We all gossip, but you can tell when gossip is mean-spirited. Surround yourself with positive, spiritually-connected people. Joyce, who recently joined an investment group, finds the monthly meetings with successful, positive sisters has helped elevate her moods, giving her a more positive outlook, inspiring her to move in more positive directions in both her career and personal life. Each meeting opens with an affirmation or spiritually-enlightening passage. By surrounding ourselves with warm, caring, smart and positive individuals, we can enrich our lives. Sometimes, we can't avoid certain negative individuals-sometimes they are our family members, sometimes they are our neighbors or spouses. In these cases, if we cannot reduce our contact with them, we must alter our response to them. Refuse to succumb to their way of thinking and behaving, and continue to rejuvenate yourself with an inspirational book, moments of reflection, and a positive network of friends and role models.
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